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{Stacy;18;California}
I am truly convinced that I was born into the wrong decade, my mindset would be much better suited for the 1950's. I believe in loving someone, with all of my heart, and not letting go. I believe in the power of dreams, the reminder of memories, and that everything must come to an end.
"Whatever happened to chivalry? Does it only exist in 80’s movies? I want John Cusack holding a boombox outside my window. I wanna ride off on a lawnmower with Patrick Dempsey. I want Jake from Sixteen Candles waiting outside the church for me. I want Judd Nelson thrusting his fist into the air because he knows he got me. Just once I want my life to be like an 80’s movie, preferably one with a really awesome musical number for no apparent reason. But no, no, John Hughes did not direct my life.- Easy A"
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| Tumblr has been so addicting lately, but it just isn't the same as being on xanga... I mean we share stories and make friendships here but tumblr there isnt the concept of commenting and sharing.
Anyways, I kind of cursed myself with the whole things are uneventful. So Chris (who I have mentioned in previous posts, a really good friend who I was in love with for a long time, he is my parents best friends son) sent me a letter from rehab, and in it he got mad at me for not answering his calls over christmas break, the reason I had ignored them was because I was mad at his mom. She had promised me that she would take me with her to visit him as a surprise and then went without telling me and totally ditched me. I was really pissed and then I found out that they were moving to palm springs (which is two hours away from where I live) and I just didn't see the point in continuing on in this weird love/friendship thing that we had going. I had liked him for such a long time, but also saw that it really wasn't worth it anymore. Why open up wounds that had healed already? I cried out of unfairness when I found out he was moving and it was the first time in a while I had actually had emotions since taking acutane. Obviouslly I really cared about this kid.
Anyways, I've strayed from the point, later on in the letter he mentioned how much he missed me and said "To be honest, I've always had a crush on you" then signs the letter "Love you always, Chris" LIKE SERIOUSLY!? Why in the world was this never discovered before. My heart stopped when I read that, I mean, I LOVED this kid for years and the whole time he liked me back? I would overanalyze every single thing that happened when we were together, whether we hugged goodbye, what songs he played, how when we sat next to eachother on the couch we were always a little closer than we needed to be. I remember one time I fell asleep leaning on him and he played with my hair, while he thought I was asleep, although I was totally awake but keeping my eyes closed so that he wouldnt stop. Now I am so so lost about what to do, he asked me to come to palm springs when he got out so we could catch up, and my family is probably going to go up there the last week of february because his parents offered us to stay in their time share, since they are best friends with my parents too. IDK! I am really lost and confused. I was so obsessed with him for so long and idk if its worth reopening those wounds if he doesnt feel the same way. But I also feel like I will be really regretful if I never do anything about it. I already regret not doing anything about it in the past. Why is it that I am the most tragic luck with guys?
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| Sorry for my complete lack of updates, i'm basically on Tumblr a bit too often for my own good!
The link is on the side-bar if you want to add me, I don't follow for follow... but if we talk on xanga, let me know in my ask box and I will return the follow :D
My life has been extremely uneventful lately and I have nothing to rant about, which is totally strange and unexpected. Things are just going pretty smoothly (watch this be totally cursed by typing it out). I just figured out my plane tickets to go visit my friends in DC and Virginia for spring break and i'm unbelievably excited! It will be SO NICE to get out of this town for a little while. Yes, I know I live in the sunny beautiful state of CA, but even CA can be boring and typical after a while. I just want to see some new things. So this should be a wonderful break from the norm.
On to the pictures: ENJOY!
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| If you know what I mean ;]
oh Ingrid Michaelson, how I love you. I went to her concert back in November and it was without a doubt the best night of my whole entire life. Her lyrics are moving, her voice is astounding, and her prescense is incredible. Seeing her live was such a moment. One I will never forget. This post will be dedicated to her musical genius.
"They say there's linings made of silver
Folded inside each raining cloud
Well we need someone to deliver
Our silver lining now"
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| I'm not ready to grow up. I know i'm only 18, and this should still be considered as very young. Yet, I suddenly feel as if I spent the early teenage years wasting time wishing I was older. During high school I hated life, I hated the people, hated the work, hated everything about it. I had a very awkward middle school experience and most people in high school only thought of me as that girl, instead of taking the time to know me for the person I had become. Luckily, I joined a jewish sorority type thing, for high school students, and got my fresh start. Met new people, found a leadership position, and for junior and senior year really enjoyed my time of being young and having fun. Yet, part of me still wishes I could go back and experience it all over again.
What is the one day/weekend/event/time period that you would go back and relive over and over, a time that you wouldn't mind being trapped in for the rest of your life? For me, that would be Spring of 2009. I was the president of my sorority, had incredible best friends that I spent every second with, and my first boyfriend. Maybe it just seemed perfect looking back, but I can't think of a single flaw during those months at the moment. Do you ever feel like you can't remember what it felt like to be completely 100% happy? Those times, were some of the last that I remember being perfect. I felt perfect. Life felt perfect. Not to say that I hate my life now, its actually very nice... but I would say that I am maybe 80% happy. Which is still a good number, but part of me longs for those months where I was 100% happy. There was a glow about me, a happiness and feeling that I miss. That feeling of falling in love, with friends, with my boyfriend, falling in love with life. It's something that I miss.
I watched the movie, "Wristcutters: A Love Story" last night, it was a cute little indie movie, based on a town where people end up when they commit suicide. Sounds morbid and strange, but its honestly a brilliant movie with an incredibly uplifting ending and tone to the whole thing.
Kneeler: Hell, just forget about the miracles, y'know? They don't mean a thing.
Zia: Everybody in camp can do that but me.
Kneeler: Hey, give yourself a break, man.
Zia: I'm dyin' to do one. Just a small one even if it's stupid.
Kneeler: Here's the deal: As long as you want it so bad, it's not gonna happen. The only way it's gonna work is if it doesn't matter.
That last line, it's only going to happen if it doesn't matter. It makes sense. Go watch the movie. Worth spending an hour and a half on. PLUS! Its on Netflix On-Demand. No DVD required.
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| Thank you for all of the incredible feedback on my last post. 18 comments? over 170 subscribers now? You all amaze me.
I have a bad habit of keeping my feelings inside, whether I be mad, upset, or in love... I normally don't let other people know unless I know for a fact that they feel the same way in return. I had a best friend named Russell, we were extremely close last year and he knew things about me that even some of my best girl friends didnt know. I never had thought of him in anything other than a friendship, but he started to have feelings for me. Worried about ruining our friendship, I turned him down, numerous times. He mostly made moves while drunk, or just mentioned it in a joking way and I assumed that he was over it by the beginning of last summer. I was wrong. We got drunk together at a party and he tried to make a move on me again. I was a bit drunk and acted stupidly about it, and avoided him for the rest of the party. Since then, things between us have been really awful. We barely speak, are extremely awkward when we do, and I feel like I have lost my best friend. So last night, I was pretty drunk (also, please note that I am by no means an alcholic and don't want to be promoting large ammounts of drinking, im a social drinker and party maybe two or three times a month) and I starting texting him telling him how much I missed him. Looking back at it this morning. I am pretty regretful about it. Why is it that we only have the courage to say the things we really want to when we are out of it? Maybe its because my inhibitions are down and I was able to finally tell him the truth.... but regardless, he now knows that I miss him terribly. He responded nicely last night, but stopped responding at some point and when I texted him this morning apologizing, he ignored it. I'm not sure what to do about it. And the moral of this story is: TURN OFF YOUR PHONE WHILE INTOXICATED. hahahaa. Anyways, sorry that all of my posts lately have ranting, but they are mostly to spread a message. Here's my advice for today
Love everyone fully and always give people a chance when they ask for it. You may regret not giving it to them later.
"Looking back, I have this to regret, that too often when I loved, I did not say so." David Grayson
Everyone Deserves A Chance... | | |
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